While my heart gently weeps.


I just watched a movie called “The railway man”  Part of the film is set in Berwick Upon Tweed. In fact, much of it is shot in North Berwick, about 25 miles down the coast from Edinburgh. As the film progressed it shows Colin Firth standing on a beach with his house in the background. The image is deliberately blurred. The house on the right of that photo was once my house. I lived there with my fiancee. We owned it. The second and third photos show the view from our house. We saw that beautiful view every day. I walked along the seafront to the railway station en route to work in Edinburgh, The beauty was incredible.

I haven’t been there or seen our house for almost 20 years. A medical blunder cost me that house, my fiancee, my job, etc etc.

It isn’t only soldiers who fight wars. There are countless survivors of abuse in the psychiatric systems all over the world. But there are so many more who didn’t survive. I survived. I recovered. I try and help others to do as I did.

I felt physically sick when I saw our old house. I didn’t cry though. I am all out of tears. Even now it still hurts. But I know that when I wake up in the morning that i will feel better. In the past I would have harmed myself. Now I try and help take away the pain of others. It’s all I can do really.


About Derbyshire Counselling Service

I am a qualified and experienced counsellor who started working in the field in 1990. I have been seriously ill and almost died from an eating disorder. Anorexia was my best/worst friend for so long. Now it has gone and its time to start again. I want to help others eat their illness. I offer a unique service as i can truly empathise with my clients and help them in a way that almost every other counsellor can not. I saw so many other people suffering so painfully and desperately and i witnessed and suffered some terrible treatments by healthcare professionals. I truly would like to let the world know how much we suffer in silence and try and and these indignities. I was ill for 20 years but my sense of altruism remains as fresh as ever
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